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Retired and Depressed
from Down on the Upper East
Question: Dear Dr J:
I'm depressed. Or at least that's how I would "diagnose" myself if I had to come up with a label. I'm 62 and just retired from a long career as an ad exec in NYC. I am not wealthy but have just enough to get by on financially. My wife and I divorced many years ago and my kids are in far-flung locales--so I don't see them often. Here's my problem: I don't want to be retired. I feel too young to just "hang out." BUT, I don't know what to do with myself…and I feel anxious and worried about even getting started on a "job hunt." What should I do?
Answer: Dear D,
Thanks for your letter. I have two immediate comments: Bravo to you for not believing in "retirement." I don't either. I seriously doubt that you are depressed (but you may want to check with your doctor). You are going through the natural process of letting go of a particular identity-- "Ad man"-- and experiencing the loss and subsequent empty space that is required for something new to be born.
Most importantly, at this delicate time in your life, take time to relax, rest and rejuvenate. You've probably been living a "type A" existence for many years…and it may well be that your next career or life phase may be more in the "Type B" category; e.g. more laid-back, less stressful, less "results" oriented and more fluid. That's perfectly normal and will come to feel exciting…but it takes time to release a "way of life" and move on. I suggest that you don't "look for a job" but rather get busy with hobbies that you love. Very likely, some wonderful "work" will emerge eventually -- if you are out and about with people you enjoy, doing the kinds of things you enjoy. The bottom line: you're just getting started -- and forging a new identity, a new life for yourself takes time. Relax and enjoy the ride: the best is yet to come!
Dr J
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